Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
