You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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