yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
