I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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