A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
