This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
