the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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