too bad you live with your parents still
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
