I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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