Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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