What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize