I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
