I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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