one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
