Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
