he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
