do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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