having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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