6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
