I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
