I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
