your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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