U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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