I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
