I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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