I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
