She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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