Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This toilet bowl is my home.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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