At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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