with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
