You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
