My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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