maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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