Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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