New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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