she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
