I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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