Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
