He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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