He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
