He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
