her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
