dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
