i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
