What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
