ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
