Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
