Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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