Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize