Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
