I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
