I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We need to get me chipped asap
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
