We named our party play list daddy issues
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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