we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
