i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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