carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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