so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize