I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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