What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
