so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
