so let's talk penis.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
