so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
