I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
