I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
