i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
