A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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