If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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