There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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