i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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