I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
porn star boner night. come get it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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