Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
