Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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