You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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