she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
