yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
