um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
