I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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