I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize